The End

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When I Wasn't Looking


When did my chubby giggler turn into this long-limbed, messy-haired, opinionated little girl?


Emily starts pre-school at the end of the month. It is an event hugely anticipated by us both. She has wanted to go to school since we first mentioned it to her, and she cried when we visited our chosen school and told her she wouldn't be staying there that day. On my end, I look forward to temporarily being able to focus on just one child again. I feel bad saying it, but Adam deserves some full attention too, and at the end of the day, it'll do Emily and me a great deal of good to have a break from each other for a few mornings a week (she'll only be doing three mornings).

But on the other hand, it's a very emotional time. My baby is growing up. And when a little boy kicks her or a little girl pulls her tongue out at her and she drops her "big girl" mask and would normally come running to me in tears.... well, I'm not going to be there. And that bit is I think what I'm struggling the most with at the moment.

I know it's all part of letting go and I know she can't spend every minute of her day with me forever. But I can see the look on her face in my mind's eye when she needs me, and adding to that the fact that I won't be there for her is currently a little bit too much for me to take. It has been the source of many, many tears this week.

But I'll get over it, and we'll both adapt, and she'll be happier for it. And so will I and Adam. And life will undoubtedly go on.

Until I'm turned into an emotional wreck all over again when it's Adam's turn.

Ah, motherhood.

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