Slightly Numb

It's been a month of extreme emotions.

Anyone who has actually seen us in Malta so far in 2014 can consider themselves lucky as we have been a rare sight. January was split between Malta, Dubai and England.

Early in the month, we spent a week in Dubai. We checked out neighbourhoods, visited a school, drove around mostly aimlessly while the kids napped, visited malls, did a few touristy things. We all loved it. The future is bright. (There'll be a lot more about Dubai to come so will keep this bit short!)

Less than a week back in Malta, unpacked, repacked, cleaned up, did some laundry, said some hellos, a few see you laters, and we were off to England, on what had originally been planned as our September holiday.

Rochester brought back many emotions. I was in tears before we landed. It was not a reaction I had been expecting. The level of homesickness shocked me. The tears hit on an almost daily basis at random. When I spotted Rochester castle in the distance, walking along the High Street, even sat in the Deaf Cat. They did not hit, strangely, when we visited the house. A lot of it felt so normal, like there hadn't just been a year spent away from it all.

Emily had no recollection of it. When we visited the house, she simply said "Who lives here? This is a nice house." As sad as this was, I was prepared for it, I'd shown her photos a few months ago and she'd had the same reaction then. Her subconscious, however, did seem to recognise it. She knew her way around the house. Sadly, she also didn't remember most of our friends, but she did warm to them far quicker than she normally would to new people - which also tells me her subconscious was busy trying to communicate something there too. (The mind is a mysterious, powerful thing.)

A thought that kept going through my mind as we walked around was that Adam should have been born there. He should have enjoyed the same things Emily did, enjoyed the same relaxed mother that Emily had.

A few hours in the Deaf Cat (a local cafe I regularly hung out at with Emily) reminded me how much I enjoy spending time with my children. It reminded me of the sort of mother I am. It reminded me that when we have places to go and opportunities to relax, we do and we enjoy it.

 

I'm going to need to find a similar local cafe in Dubai.

So emotions this month have been pretty extreme and as I write this, I am feeling slightly numb. I feel like I've taken an emotional beating. I know I'll recover, I'll wake up at some stage and it will all suddenly hit in one way or another. Hopefully, it'll will all have been worth while.