But if there is something I want to do in 2013, it's remember Me. Last year, I pushed myself aside. I forgot about me, things got so busy sometimes even having a shower felt like a waste of time. When I did have some spare time I was mostly so pooped I could barely scrape myself up off the sofa to do anything. Emily was my number one and I took a very severe back seat.
I count too. I want to feel good about myself. I want to step out of the house and not cringe if I spot someone I know on the street. I want to feel proud of my accomplishments and where I am and how far I've come. I want to be - need to be - a good role model for Emily. I want to stand tall and be proud of Me.
So this year I will take time for myself. I will pamper myself, do my nails and my hair and similar shallow things that make me feel like I can take on the world. I will enjoy being a woman. I will remember that I count. I will not be made to do things because they benefit other people only. I will not be pushed around or guilted into things. I will accept that some things just aren't meant to be, and I will block out anyone who tries to tell me otherwise. At the same time, I will push myself out of my comfort zone to the extent that I can, I will challenge myself and discover. I will be a peaceful person, at peace with myself and those around me. I will be a better, all-rounded, human being (who enjoys a good bitching session every now and again).
Remind me of all this in April when I am drowning under dirty newborn nappies and begging for sleep and snapping at anyone who so much as glances in my direction. Remind me that as a person with by then three months of rebuilding Me, I can and will get through this.
(PS I have no illusion that I will be prancing around in 6-inch heels but it never hurt anyone to dream.)