Before I moved here I was a mouse. A mouse with big opinions which were kept in a very frustrated but locked box at the back of my mind. That box was never opened, I was too scared. Too scared to say anything or to stand up for myself.
When we moved here I was terrified. My naiveté and my complete and utter trust in humankind led to disappointment on a daily basis. I quickly learnt to speak up, be heard, make people listen. I became suspicious of everyone and very, very angry all the time.
Over the years I grew and matured and eventually I came to realize that being angry and suspicious all the time was making me suffer. Only me: no one else. I learnt to tone it down. I learnt to be nice to people again, and I learnt to unleash the inner guard dog only when necessary.
I've come a long way since we moved to England. I am a very different person to the quiet, scared girl who got on that plane in April 2006. There's still a lot of work to be done, I am a masterpiece in progress. Part of the reason I find moving back to Malta scary is because I just don't know how this "new" person will reintegrate back into a country where so many people are afraid to speak up lest they offend anyone else, and where people are happy to settle for mediocre because it might be too much hassle to push for more.
But I am happy with and proud of the person I have become. And I have England to thank for that - and by "England" of course, I don't just mean the physical country. It is the people and the experiences I encountered during our time here, the way of life, the good and the bad and the everything.
Having said all this, I'm quite sure there are also elements of me that existed in Malta that had to be left behind when we moved away that I will be glad to welcome back. I'm not yet sure what these are, but suffice it to say, it's not all sadness. Somehow a balance will be achieved and I won't lose my mind over it. We haven't made this decision on a whim, it has taken months and months and I know that we will be happy.
So here goes...
See you on the other side x
(Pic is me in 2003... I was also really slim.... that could be one of the things I regain in Malta.... hah!)
This blog is now closed. The story continues over on Flip Flops and Flying Carpets.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for reading.