Remembering Me

I never got round to writing a post welcoming 2013. Not that it needed welcoming - it was going to happen whether we wanted it to or not, whether those Mayans thought it would or not. And I don't really do resolutions because as we all know they very rarely last a week. It just doesn't seem worth the effort of thinking them up.

But if there is something I want to do in 2013, it's remember Me. Last year, I pushed myself aside. I forgot about me, things got so busy sometimes even having a shower felt like a waste of time. When I did have some spare time I was mostly so pooped I could barely scrape myself up off the sofa to do anything. Emily was my number one and I took a very severe back seat.

No more. 

I count too. I want to feel good about myself. I want to step out of the house and not cringe if I spot someone I know on the street. I want to feel proud of my accomplishments and where I am and how far I've come. I want to be - need to be - a good role model for Emily. I want to stand tall and be proud of Me.

Source: stylemepretty.com via Clare on Pinterest

So this year I will take time for myself. I will pamper myself, do my nails and my hair and similar shallow things that make me feel like I can take on the world. I will enjoy being a woman. I will remember that I count. I will not be made to do things because they benefit other people only. I will not be pushed around or guilted into things. I will accept that some things just aren't meant to be, and I will block out anyone who tries to tell me otherwise. At the same time, I will push myself out of my comfort zone to the extent that I can, I will challenge myself and discover. I will be a peaceful person, at peace with myself and those around me. I will be a better, all-rounded, human being (who enjoys a good bitching session every now and again).

Remind me of all this in April when I am drowning under dirty newborn nappies and begging for sleep and snapping at anyone who so much as glances in my direction. Remind me that as a person with by then three months of rebuilding Me, I can and will get through this.

(PS I have no illusion that I will be prancing around in 6-inch heels but it never hurt anyone to dream.)

The Time Has Come

Once I get tired of summer (which happens pretty early on), the rest of the year is all about Christmas. I adore Christmas - it is without a doubt the best time of year. So much more than just the 25th December. And the time has come. I have slowly, over the past few days, been decorating the house. It's all so magical, always. The pace is much slower this year, there's a watermelon-sized bump slowing me down, but we're getting there...


I checked out my list of resolutions for 2010 the other day. What a laugh. I've done almost nothing. But for a change, I don't care. I'm not about to spend the next month trying to fix that. There was one hope for 2010 that of course I hadn't listed. And yet it was the one that did happen and it's the reason most of those other resolutions didn't.

David asked me the other day what I thought the best thing about this year was. There's no question in my mind - finding out I was pregnant, as many mixed emotions as it brought with it, turned this year into one that would always represent exactly that. It's barely felt like a year - I was so unwell for over 5 months of it. It feels like 2010 is no more than a few months old, and yet I don't care. It's been exciting and such a journey, and it's brought David and myself so much closer than ever before. And 2011, as daunting as it may seem, is going to be so completely different, I'm not even going to attempt to make any resolutions this year.

I just want to be a good mummy. I want to give this little girl as much love as is humanly possible. I want to see her grow and smile and develop the character already budding within her. I want to watch David melt whenever he looks at her, and she him. I want to hold her and protect her and be everything she needs me to be.

Next year, it's all about the little things.