Familiar

David is in London for work this week. It hasn't been easy for many reasons. I have had help over bedtime every day which I cannot begin to express gratitude for, but I am alone at night. And typically, Adam seems to have caught some sort of cold - he's even lost his voice - so there was one night in particular that was even harder than I could have imagined.

But there's another thing I'm struggling with. It's made me think of England again. He's in a place that still feels like home. It's gotten better, time has made it easier, I don't actively miss it every day any longer. But when I stop and think about it, it does actually... hurt. Maybe I sound crazy but sometimes leaving England feels a little bit like a break up. I'm left with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and a slightly broken heart.

I look at pictures, and things and places are so familiar, and on some level I cannot comprehend that they are not part of my immediate world any longer. I cannot comprehend why I no longer have easy access to things that were part of the landscape, things I took for granted for so long. Even things I didn't particularly like - they're just missing. Part of my brain just doesn't get the fact that I don't live there anymore and in a way, it makes it even harder.

Gah. Will it ever end?

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