The End

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Missing Her


"I love my sister very much," she is eager to say. I correct her and say that Adam is her brother. Sometimes she'll agree, other times I am told "Actually, my sister" - the little knowitall.

She's been incredible. She has adored Adam from the first moment she laid eyes on him when he was one day old. She showers him with hugs and kisses and, now that she's no longer terrified of the sound it, tells him it's all going to be ok when he cries.

For a few days, it was myself and David she seemed to feel betrayed by. She didn't appreciate our disappearing act one bit, although she accepted it because she was prepared. But even now, she still talks about how I went away to get Adam out of my tummy. The shouting and hitting which greeted us upon our return from hospital has calmed down now, but her insecurities still resurface every now and then. She is a sensitive soul.

And I miss her. I miss being able to do things with her at any time, I miss being able to drop everything and read to her or be silly with her. I know I can still do all this - and I do, but it's not always at a time when she is open to it, so I often miss the window of opportunity. I miss being able to be the one to take her to the park at the drop of a hat. I hate having to send her off with others to have her fun because I haven't had the chance to get dressed yet and the very thought of getting everyone and everything together makes me cry.

It's all about balance, I know. She won't remember a time when it was just about her, she's already adapting perfectly to having a little brother around who also has needs, and she supports that. But I remember that time, and I am the one struggling with it.

5 comments:

  1. Awww, it gets so much easier with time. I can remember sobbing one day to my husband that I missed my little man when the little lady was still quite new. It's a tough adjustment for everyone, but I actually think it's the parents that find it the hardest.
    It will all settle down soon. I promise! X

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  2. 100% agree with Lucy. The beginning is shell shocking for everyone but it doesn't leave a lasting imprint. x

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  3. *hugs* you will all get used to it, you have a gorgeous little family and it looks like things will be just fine :)

    xxxx

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  4. I remember it so well! I missed my Austin sooo much after Gwen was born. I think it was worse because I never went back to work, and he only did two half-days at nursery. The rest of the time, we just hung around together and had fun. It does get easier, but try to take loads of pics and videos of Emily during this time - I think it might help, a few months on. I wish I'd taken more of Austin....

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  5. hmmm I can relate only partly to this....R was always happy as Zac was the best possible baby ever! It got harder later when both knew what they really wanted....like Zac crawling in one direction and Reuben wanting me to do something just with him. It was only yeterday when Reuben said he wanted Zac dead yet tonight in the bath he was cuddling him and telling him "Zac I love you so much you are my best friend" - such is life:))) That I do find hard to cope with...and well the fact that I cant possibly have my nail painted unless I sacrifice my sleep and only for Shellac as that at least won;t chip and fall off...and well.....loads more of those sacrifices....still I wouldnt have it any other way! NO I WOULDNT! HOLD ON AND HANG ON! Life will be pretty amazing!

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