The End

This blog is now closed. The story continues over on Flip Flops and Flying Carpets.

Thank you for reading.

Waiting

If I had a penny (or Euro cent... need to get used to this!!) for every time someone told me I was brave to move country with a toddler and so close to the birth of my second child... well, I'd have a few more pounds to my name than I do. I did what I had to do and just got on with it. It was this or miss out on the valuable support system in those first few months of Squiggle's life, which I thought would have been silly.

However, with approximately seven short weeks of pregnancy left, things are becoming intense. Months ago, knowing that I had about five weeks to prepare for this baby once the container arrived with our belongings from the UK seemed enough. But when you're this close to those last five weeks and you're worn out and so constantly uncomfortable that you can barely get any sleep and Braxton Hicks don't quite stop reminding you of what's imminent, it doesn't seem like much time at all any longer.

And yet I feel that it hasn't yet dawned on me that I'll soon have a newborn. The kicks are real (you want to watch that video!!), we have finally settled on a name for Squiggle, and we marvel at the way he reacts to Emily's voice and her very touch on my belly... And yet, it's all fuzzy as if embedded in a cloud light years away.

Then I realise that by this time last pregnancy, all Emily's clothes were washed and waiting in her perfectly planned nursery, my hospital bag was packed (and had been unpacked and repacked several times), NCT classes were well under way, the Moses basket was waiting for her arrival. I had daily visual reminders. This time, so far, nothing.

And as much as it started out much easier than my last pregnancy, this one is ending very differently. So a part of me just wants the discomfort to end. I wish this baby would decide it's fine to be born really early (as long as he's healthy and all that), but the other part of me kicks that first part because I cannot be thinking it. I need time to prepare for this baby. I need to find some time to allow it to feel real. To go through the preparations, the nesting, the caring, the excitement. Because thus far, I feel a little bit like a surrogate mother. And apart from the fact that it hurts me on a level I can barely begin to understand let alone explain, I feel like I owe this little boy quite a bit more than that.


Ten days to the estimated arrival date of our belongings... Come on, we can do this. 

[image credit]

4 comments:

  1. I can totally understand what you write about in the last paragraph as well. I think second babies are never gona be the same way as first ones....and sometimes it takes a long time to bond exactly because its hard to relate the same way twice. Its always hard second ones don't ever get the attention firsts do as far as I have seen or heard. You will be ok and your baby won;t know any different. He will instantly know your love just the way you will let him experience it and he won;t want it any other way....! You will be indeed so blessed and you now have loads of family there who will off course be supportive and understanding. I also felt very similarly as Reuben was still taking most of my attention and I can assure you that is only gona increase as they get older and need more of us....and less of us but in different ways. Emily from what I seen is a happy and very ballanced girl she will be ok and you will be ok. enjoy the moments....
    MXX

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  2. So sorry it's proving so uncomfortable - I was so enormous they induced me at 38 weeks and really don't know how I would have got through any more.

    I've just - today - started a new blog hop, The Friday Baby Shower, for all things pregnancy and new baby and if you're up to it would absolutely love for you to link up. Would love people to share both the highs and the lows.

    Alice @ Mums Make Lists xxx

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  3. Having done it myself, albeit when I was in the horrendously sick early stage of pregnancy rather than later on, I do feel for you. It is a nightmare dealing with all the packing and unpacking at any time let alone when you have a bump. You have people around who care for you and will help you, although knowing you you won't be happy unless you unpack it all and organise it all yourself, but just let them, as long as you know where the things you need are, you can sort everything else out and organise it to your hearts content once you feel more able to. My pregnancy was like yours in that I loved being pregnant but because of the problems with getting healthcare it overshadowed everything, I had to rely on my instincts and the fact I could feel the little one moving and almost believe we'd be ok. I had days when it didn't feel real, how could it be when I didn't have any checkups etc but despite the worry and the sleepless nights he certainly is real and I think you're probably more aware of your pregnancy and bonding with the baby more than you think you are, it just gets overshadowed by everything else that's going on. x

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  4. Thanks so much for linking up to last week’s Friday Baby Shower. This week’s party is now live and would love to see you there – Alice xx

    http://mumsmakelists.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/the-friday-baby-shower-linky-party-2.html

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