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Bittersweet Liberation

Emily is 5 months old tomorrow. How did that happen?! Last week, she became able to play on her own without needing me to constantly provide her with entertainment. She happily babbles away in her cot in the morning, enabling us to have a "lie-in" (6:00 - 6:45am!!), playing with anything within her grasp - be it an actual toy, or possibly her muslin cloth, or even her feet. Fascinating things, those feet.

I always thought that it would take a great effort on my part to accept a baby being entirely and solely dependent on me. I thought I'd get frustrated, and sure I did a few times when she'd cry the moment I left her side as she wanted me to continue playing with her and my mind would have moved on to the next thing on my neverending to-do list. But truly, I loved every minute of being her entire world.

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However I've found that I need to be far more disciplined with myself now that she doesn't need me as much. It's so easy to let her get on and play for hours (ok, not hours!) on her own while I catch up on the gazillion other things I need to do*. It's much easier to forget about her, so to speak, when she doesn't need me every moment of her waking day, even if she is SO much more fun to play with now!

A part of me is quite saddened by this, another part liberated. Somehow I need to, and I will, find the balance.


* Always leaving her in a safe place and most of that other stuff I have to do involves me being in the same room as her!

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