In the Picture

That tear-jerker P&G advert still shows up on TV every now and then, and I've made a conscious effort to not to just be "air". Us Mums are often left out of photos - often too busy being behind the camera itself - but I am adamant that there will be many photos through Emily's life that I am present in. Everyone needs to remember what their Mummy looked like when she and they were young. Maureen over on Island Fairy does a regular Embrace the Camera post, which I love because it gives us an opportunity to see the person behind the blog, not just the children she writes about and so obviously loves... and if I enjoy seeing pictures of her, then they certainly will too.

But it's so easy to miss out. In our family I am the official person behind the camera. David isn't really into photography or even photo-taking so I can often be heard reminding (begging!) him to pick up the camera to ensure there are pictures of me with Emily too. Sadly this often means pictures that include me are posed and artificial. Yes, he takes plenty of them once he's at it but they are often twenty different versions of the same thing and I want life and candid moments, which I think either comes naturally to the photographer or it simply doesn't. Having said that - and he knows this because I have told him - David is getting much better at it, and although many pictures of Emily and myself are still painfully posed, there have been a few more recent ones that haven't been, and that I am in love with.

Today a friend on Facebook linked to an article called The Mom Stays in the Picture. It hit the nail on the head as to why I want to be in photos. Somehow I've never quite been able to explain it without sounding like some narcissistic prat. But this article did it for me. My husband may not be the type to pick up a camera unprompted, but he is kind and compassionate and caring and he admires the huge amount of work I do with Emily on a daily basis, and that can never be dismissed. I emailed the link to him with a note and I have been promised far more pictures in future.

"I'm everywhere in their young lives, and yet I have very few pictures of me with them. Someday I won't be here -- and I don't know if that someday is tomorrow or thirty or forty or fifty years from now -- but I want them to have pictures of me. I want them to see the way I looked at them, see how much I loved them. I am not perfect to look at and I am not perfect to love, but I am perfectly their mother."
[Allison Tate, The Mom Stays in the Picture]

New Rules: How Did We Do?

Back in October, I set myself four rules that I felt were important. A winter later, here's how I did:


No laptop use while Emily is awake.
This was going really well. Enter the ipad, and things fell apart for a while until I gave myself a little metaphorical shaking and put it away. It doesn't mean I don't stop to check my mail a few times or tweet a few more times but I'm not sat there glued to it all day (as I may have been before). I get down on the floor and play with Emily, we build towers, we read, we tickle and get tickled. Sometimes we just cuddle in front of TV. It's all good.


Read more.
Safe to say I failed this one. Miserably. I've still not yet read another book, but I have picked up a few magazines over the last few weeks and have made myself sit down for a few minutes to relax every now and then. I need to learn the meaning of that word "relax" all over again, or so it would seem. I have also added a few books to my Kindle that sound promising (and have even read the first two chapters of one of them), so there is actually some hope.


Establish storytime.
For a while, we read every day after Emily's bath. Until I realised she had no patience for it at that time as all she wanted was to get to sleep. So we moved storytime to before her bath. And that worked nicely. But we read so many books throughout the day, there are always books around somewhere (there are even two little ones that live in my handbag for when we're out), and we read bathbooks too, so in the end "storytime" per se faded away and we still read lots. We just do it whenever.


(She even has a magazine of her own which she loves leafing through)


Get out every day.
We've been good with this. However I've also been good about realising that just because we don't go out one day, just because we stay in and just enjoy Emily's toys and I catch up on some things around the house, or just take it easy, doesn't make the day a failure. We've achieved a good balance. We go out often, we have people over often, we have us time often.


Ultimately, things are going well. Emily and I seem to have reached a point where we know how to work with each other. I am slowly even starting to feel comfortable cooking dinner in the kitchen while she plays in the living room. The fact that she is increasingly mobile helps as when she misses me or needs something, I hear the "clap, clap" of her hands on the wooden floor as she crawls towards the kitchen, or the little plastic wheels of her walker being pushed down the corridor, and she's with me again. I never leave her alone for more than a few minutes at a time. More often than not, she chooses to hang around the kitchen with me, playing with her fridge magnets or a wooden spoon, or "cleaning" the floor with the tea towels - and it wouldn't be the first time I've cooked dinner with her hanging off my leg either. Not a huge amount of fun, but sometimes it just needs to be done!

New Rules

Some things need to change around here. Therefore I am setting these new rules:

No laptop use while Emily is awake.*
All she ever seems to see me do is use the laptop while she plays. More time will be spent playing with her, therefore also increasing the possibility of her learning that there is more to life than a computer. I am a very computery person, but I had a varied childhood and I really don't want her to be one of those kids who only know how to turn to a computer for entertainment. Children see, children do. For this same reason...

Read more.
I was a total bookworm right up until about the 28th January 2011. Since then, I think I may have read one book (I'm not entirely sure) and skimmed through a few magazines. I need to read more for me, because it focuses me and it calms me, and I need to read more for her, because she needs to see that reading is something that's good to do.

Establish storytime.
Currently our most successful storytime is during bathtime and involves waterproof books. I do not think this is acceptable. I need to find a time when she is awake enough to tolerate it, and bedtime is not an option - I am generally yelled at if I dress her too slowly, let alone pause the entire process to read a story. What can I say, the child loves her sleep! So if anyone has any advice or suggestions as to a little storytime tradition I can set up, please share!

Get out every day.
Even if it's just for a walk around the block. I was really good at keeping to this rule until about a month ago when Emily and I were both unwell and I made an exception for a few days because I had such little energy, and since then I just haven't been able to find my mojo again. Mojo must be located. Emily loves being outdoors, the fresh air is good for us both and God knows I need the exercise.


* This rule can be broken under certain circumstances (eg if I am desperate to place a grocery order) but then use must be quick and to the point. Use of my phone is still allowed because I trust myself to be somewhat balanced with that (and if necessary can be hidden behind a magazine...).