Home

It'll be seven years this coming April that we left the little rock and moved to England for good. We became adults here, we built lives and dreams, a family, a home. And we loved it.

In July, when we visited Malta, it surprised me that for the first time, when looking out of the plane at Malta, "home" wasn't a word that crossed my mind. But other big surprises were to come my way.

I'll admit, I'd been pushing certain thoughts to the back of my mind for a few months by then. Shoving them away, far out of the way. I didn't want to know. We moved to England for good. We planned it out, mapped it out. We couldn't go back on our plans, I didn't want to be a failure, I didn't want to be predictable. I ignored my innermost thoughts, hated the very thought of Malta (I can only suspect because of the rest of the feelings it brought along with it).

Until that same day in July - the day I realised Malta no longer felt like "home" - when I realised what home really is. Somewhere in my subconscious, a wall came crashing down, and I knew that I wanted to go back.

David didn't believe me. I'd cried wolf a couple of times before and always changed my mind by the end of our visit. I'd always come back to England ranting and raving about how wonderful it is to live here and how I'd never move back to Malta. And it is wonderful, there's no denying that. But somewhere over the past year, my priorities changed. And by the end of our visit to Malta in July, much to David's surprise, I hadn't changed my mind.

I want Emily to have the same closeness to family as I did growing up. I want her to experience hot summers spent in the water. I want her to know and love her grandparents. I want to be able to show her that it's good for her parents to have a life outside of bringing up her and her brother or sister. That her Mummy and Daddy can have fun together. I want to never have to sit in A&E with a child, completely alone, again. I want to have a full life, perhaps smaller, simpler, but certainly fuller.

We are moving back to Malta in January 2013. As bittersweet a decision as this has been and as hard as it will be to leave my sister and the amazing friends I've come to rely on with my life, it is simply time to head back. (I still can't bring myself to completely accept that I'll be leaving these people behind, I'm sure I'll come to terms with it eventually. Maybe.)

Needless to say, this won't be the last you've heard of this. But in the meantime, yeah, that's our big news!